Santa Cruz County, CA, United States
February 10, 2024 (Copyright 2024)
Dear “Potential” Real Wedding Couple,
The other night I stayed up late and was reading Reddit. I read a lot of complaints about the expense of weddings, how the wedding industry is a fraud, planner prices are ridiculous and that YOU CANNOT GET ANSWERS, etc., etc. And at first, I was saddened and felt a flash of irritation because I take the time to give answers -REAL answers.
I have REAL PRICING on my Intimate Wedding Package page to see if it works for your budget, guest count and some of your vision. To learn some of the specifics you just need to write down the name of the package and fill out the inquiry form completely. Simple. I will provide you that specific information.
After reading the Reddit thread and the answers, I felt a shift, a moment of clarity and understanding (This is why I have been so annoyed with every single conference presentation on venue management, pricing & how to sell the illusion of a fairytale wedding). You are correct and I will validate you, the wedding industry is an illusion and difficult to navigate so it essentially comes down to people or businesses you like or can do what you want in the budget you can afford. From the vendors perspective..... it's super elusive to try to answer your question when no REAL question was even asked. If you are planning a REAL wedding you're doing your planning with a budget based and vision-based intention.
🧐There are three types of detail vendors: -Corporate - Wedding-factory selling machines for a profit.
-Boutique - Creatives who are passionate about their craft and have unique skills, assets and abilities.
-Non-profit - But beware because sometimes they run like a corporation with high management salaries- someone has to run the place after all.
🧐There are many types of venue structures:
-Corporate - Wedding-factory selling machines for a profit. These includes hotels, resorts, restaurants, convention centers, etc. They have taken the creativity out of wedding planning to free up your time. Excellent choice for some couples especially those who want to drink & party!
-Boutique - Planners or managers that offer unique exclusive or semi-private properties.
-Public - Owned by State, Local or Federal government and wholly subsidized by your permits and the tax payer. There are not many private offerings because they serve the public and usually offer serious restrictions.
-Non-Profit - Usually not wedding focused but may offer some kind of venues; ie. historical societies, summer camps, memorial gardens, etc.
🧐Let me offer you a little education from the professional side and a basic example of what "boutique providers" (REAL people with REAL skills, REAL Experience and REAL assets) experience often daily in the inquiry process. Not you necessarily but, the average consumer, sends in an inquiry to a venue through a site like WEDDING WIRE, THE KNOT, ZOLA or HERE COMES THE GUIDE and you are looking for pricing and detail information and this is what it might look like:
Name: Jane or could be John 😊
Event Date: 2024/2025/2026/2027 ❌
Number of Guests: 0-50 ❌
Phone Number: Blank ❌
EMAIL: JaneMarriesJohnny25@gmail.com ❌
Additional Information: We are planning a wedding and want to know more about your services. ❌
You are considering planning an Intimate Wedding and have sent this inquiry to 20-100 Venues. ❌ Including 15-95 you cannot or do not want to afford, doesn't align with your vision, guest count, etc. And now you're overwhelmed.
YOUR WEDDING DAY IS ABOUT YOU, BUT WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT/WHY/WHERE/HOW DO YOU SPECIFICALLY WANT YOUR WEDDING TO BE LIKE?
AND HOW CAN YOU ACHIEVE IT WITH YOUR BUDGET?
The inquiry above shows me you are just price shopping. You are not actually planning a wedding and you're wanting to do it anonymously. And for a potential wedding couple who wants to get to the bottom of things quickly - this is where trouble is stemming from. It's trouble for you and trouble for the vendor.
🌊Then...... you start to receive pricing replies from corporate venues who have an AI Salesforce and the overwhelm sets in. Your email address also showed me you don't want your personal information sold so you have invented an email address. I like the cute email the concept but it's also suspicious. Why? Because we don't often hear back because we know these inquiries are price shopping. BTW, I don't sell your personal information. EVER.
Perhaps that inquiry is also just data mining and the person behind the mask is just trying to steal or exploit my hard work- every word I wrote in my 9 pdf's. If you've done this, I'm not targeting you, I'm just saying in the inquiry above can you show me any REAL USEABLE INFORMATION that I can use to send you the actual information you might be interested in? Knowing about what you want and what you can afford can cut through all the noise, stress, overwhelm and frustration😤.
What would help? I know it's old school, but 📞 if you provided a phone number or way for me to actually to reach out and say, I'd love to send you accurate information but I'm not sure how many guests you're wanting or what you're want kind of budget you have. If you mentioned time of day and day of the week best to call, it's even better! Ahhh... But, I get it most boutique vendors don't have phone numbers on their site. True- it's because we don't have a Sales Force and the risk of publishing your line to spammers is REAL. But, if you've investigated them on all their paid advertising sites, website and have a sense of their price range and portfolio TELL THEM this. If you don't have a sense of pricing let them know. Share with something specific you loved about the work. You will get a reply and faster! Notice, I didn't say reach out through Instagram or Facebook- again what can we understand about "I'm Interested". If you do this, you will stand out as a potential wedding collaborator⭐🤩!
Then, when they take the time to reply, acknowledge their reply with a quick; Thanks, we'll take a look! Then mark your email as unread and get back to it when you have a chunk of time dedicated to wedding research or planning. It goes a long way to establish rapport and shows the vendor that you see them as a REAL HUMAN. You want this person to provide exceptional service, right? A little kindness and manners go along way. In the corporate world where they are doing high volume- 5 weddings per week- they will have a sales staff that are paid to make sales, sales, sales. So you are right to proceed with caution.⚠️
When you are "actually" planning you have a real budget in mind, number of guests, a vision, a date and a location in mind (even if it's just a town) to hold the ceremony + reception. 😍🙋♀️ I want to work with you!! If you want to formally begin planning, you can do this after you book your venue. Until then you are just shopping, and you are creating overwhelm for yourself, your future spouse and the good vendors who actually want to help you by looking at too many options.
A REAL BUDGET is not something that requires wedding pricing education, it's literally a number you are both comfortable spending based on your income and what you are both willing to invest in your wedding day to make it align with your vision.
REAL WEDDING couples have these difficult conversations before wedding shopping. Sometimes after doing some shopping and getting education, they increase their budget.
The other aspect of budget is defining where the funds are coming from. In wedding planning another aspect of budget is how much REAL TIME do you have to invest to plan, prepare for and produce this wedding. Sometimes we have less time and energy than we think.
When you have your real budget, I personally have 9 distinct packages to offer by group size and level of service (REAL TIME INVESTED) all on a pdf's ready to go with 2024 pricing. Here are some potential issues:
😵Perhaps you don't own or have access to a computer or tablet so you don't read pdf's.
😵Perhaps your jaded already and sick of reading pdf's because they all seem the same and everything you like is too expensive.
😵Perhaps you don't like to read, cannot read or there is a language barrier.
😵Perhaps you don't have time to read because you are working two jobs and have 3 kids (This resembles a lot of my REAL wedding couples).
😵Perhaps there's so much included and you don't know what it all means.
There's lots of potential reasons why and if this applies to you, the only thing I can think of is a phone call 📞to see if it works for you based on your already determined budget.
I provide a lot more than the standard venue. I give REAL information and I give a lot more of myself than the average professional and I am transparent. I'm definitely different and more involved in your wedding day than most venue managers because I specialize in ONLY INTIMATE WEDDINGS.
Let me introduce myself.
Hi, I'm Tiffani.
I am:
-1-part planner;
-1-part set designer;
-1-part venue manager; and
-1-part wedding officiant.
Did you notice, I didn't say salesperson? Nope. Not a good salesperson here. I am an information person. I'll give you the information that is pertinent to your request. I am also an organizer, a detail tracker, a conversation starter, a smile giver, a musician, hard worker, a dreamer, solution seeker, creator, writer, trailblazer, communicator, hugger, friend, business owner, farm animal caretaker, wife and mother. I am a human being trying to be the best most authentic version of myself.
If it sounds like a lot... it is, but I L❤️VE helping REAL wedding couples plan extraordinary moments and have spent that last 4 years to develop an intimate wedding day plan so you don't have to. Then I realized the MISTAKE I've been making all along, I've been trying to market myself and my venues within the industry venue illusion box when I am unique, action oriented, informed, transparent, REAL and way outside the box. Because I really didn't know any other way.
Now before you look at my pricing page, I said I’m different and unique, but I didn’t say I am cheap or budget. However, I have been told many times the packages are very affordable. Affordability is a relative term. And as time goes on, I am learning to value my time more and charging accordingly. Sadly, THERE ARE NO UNICORNS when it comes to private exclusive Estate properties. I've looked around and compared for you. A beautiful private wedding comes with a REAL investment from both you and I because they take so much effort, time and money to help you create.
So please read this completely and I will cover the following information I learned in the trenches over the last 4 years and I won't even ask you to buy anything- the gift of knowledge to you for being interested in my business:
**What a REAL WEDDING focuses on - hint it's YOU & YOUR NEEDS;
**What skills you need to create a real wedding- not a wedding-factory wedding;
**A look inward at your personal desires & habits to arrive at your real wedding day so you can include the support you actually need;
** Specific information you need to provide boutique vendors to get detailed pricing information;
** How to arrive at the real wedding intimate guest count by inviting only the most loving of your support tribe.
All of this I share with you out of L❤️VE for what I have come to do and because I truly desire to offer something unique, special and different. To REALLY help you.
Even if you dislike how it's presented, the information in this REAL wedding definition has the potential to clarify your search and help you shift your focus and energy in a positive and productive direction- saving you time, money, frustration, tears, anger and getting you on the path to creating the real loving intimate wedding of your dreams.
🧐Let's educate: The visual idea of a beautiful wedding with 100 guests is a luxury idea. It's not the norm, it's a luxury. Luxury is not affordable but, luxury can be more attainable with realistic expectations like realistic guest counts and realistic levels of service, clearly defined priorities, décor, florals, etc. And a determined focus on what a wedding is REALLY about- it’s about your love story.
Keep in mind, just because a wedding has a smaller guest count doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have 80-90% of the same amount of work👷to plan and it is the same number of event hours for you and your best people to enjoy. Where couples generally save💵$$ is the per guest expense of providing furnishings, decorations, entertaining, feeding and hydrating them.
So to start with, if you are looking at venues or planners right now, which should be your very first step, the only actual way they can provide you REAL information is if you provide them REAL information such as:
- DATE of your wedding (or time of year);
- Approximate number of guests within 10-20% of what guest count you want (hugely important because it affects exactly what kind and when you can receive services- not just pricing);
- Budget information: This is so important - I don't want to send you the most expensive package when you are looking for ceremony only services- you will think I am trying to upsell you when I am just unclear what you want, need or have a budget for. Or if you don't have sufficient budget I will let you know the minimum services and cost point I can provide;
- Any special needs or considerations;
-If you want it to be a party or just low key;
- Contact information - because if we can't reach you, we cannot take an interest in you and ask clarifying questions to you about your vision and desires if we (boutique planners/venues) don't understand. No salespeople here just information people.
What a smaller more intimate wedding can provide is an opportunity for the couple to make the wedding as beautiful💐 and memorable🫂as possible by translating those saved funds from feeding & entertaining the masses into what matters; beautiful intentional memorable wedding moments and personal curated accents that actually bring the wedding couple joy! An intimate wedding can be an intentional and beautiful choice.
After 4 years of collaborating in my boutique wedding business to create REAL Intimate weddings for special couples at our venues, I finally figured out more precisely what I am offering you as COLLABORATOR for your wedding day. I have created my own definition from that 4 years of experience for what a REAL wedding is and also define what my ideal REAL wedding couple looks like - BEFORE THE TOUR. Both our time is limited so let’s be REAL if my plan, ideas & vision for my REAL WEDDING BUSINESS doesn’t work for your plan, ideas & vision or budget for your REAL WEDDING please keep looking for what might work for you. I may even be able to point you in the right direction if you communicate with me and let me know some specifics.
Keep reading if you are still interested because the information below will help you decide if you are a potential REAL wedding day collaborator.
A REAL wedding requires the couple to have some or are willing to learn about the following attributes:
· Courage;
· Clear Boundaries;
· Communication Skills;
· Education: A good understanding of wedding pricing, planning & real-world costs;
· REAL conversations: Excellent communication is not only needed to only inform guests of the event address and specifics of your wedding but also inform your collaborators about what kind of wedding you are creating & why;
· Realistic expectations that are in line with their overall budget;
· Healthy, clearly defined wedding day outcomes and priorities: how you want it to feel, sound, taste, look and be remembered;
· An understanding of a professional collaboration;
· An understanding that a REAL wedding actually reflects your tastes, choices, priorities, desires and mood therefore cannot be a point & click “commercial wedding-factory model”.
Notice how the attributes and level of understanding above will actually translate to a healthy marriage & family relationship and any project you work on together in the future. Remember that officiant part of me- the information above demonstrates a small amount of my understanding.
So what is a REAL wedding day and how do you begin to create one? To start with you need to look inward at your consumer habits, communicate what both your wedding day priorities are, define a realistic complete wedding budget (how much are we willing to invest overall?), how much time you have or want to invest on your wedding day collaboration and identify your communication style.
After you begin to look inward you need to ask yourself if you are obsessed with or attached to ideas on:
· Instagram;
· Pinterest;
· A wedding that you were previously invited to;
· Luxury;
· A wedding scene from a movie;
· PRICING, PRICING, PRICING- THE UNICORN FANTASY;
· Venues you cannot afford;
· Photographers you cannot afford;
· Floral Design you cannot afford;
· Someone else's vision of your wedding day; or
· The need to impress someone.
Then ask yourself if you have the budget to splurge on any of those ideas and this will help you define what is truly important to you. There is truly no better occasion than your wedding day to splurge.
🧐Education: Instagram and Pinterest should be seen as resources and places of inspiration to find or locate the desired items that work with your stated budget.
When you have a sense of your:
- Vision
- Priorities
- Guest count &
- Budget for your wedding day, that is the time you should seek out venues or planners to help you begin creating the vision of your day or weekend.
Otherwise, you are not planning or trying to plan a REAL wedding at all, you are trying to fit in someone else’s vision, and possibly even shopping for luxury you cannot or do not want to afford.
Other things to note: The REAL wedding couple inherently understands that their wedding day does not necessarily double as their family’s reunion. This is YOUR DAY and YOUR VISION and YOUR PRIORITIES and you should not feel obligated to invite everyone to satisfy the family even if they are paying for your wedding. Yep. I said it. This is where courage, clear boundaries and communication skills come in.
My advice to the REAL wedding couple is to include the guests, family members and friends that you know will really show up for you, help you create safe and happy memories and make you feel incredibly loved on your day. Invite the guests that will celebrate YOUR L❤️VE STORY wholly and completely. BE COURAGEOUS and share with them your plans and expectations.
REAL wedding couples do not include guests they are trying to:
· Impress;
· Make amends with- please do this prior to the wedding day or after; or
· Have a business relationship with.
The REAL wedding guest list should only include those guests that you can count on to SHOW UP FOR YOU & LOVE YOU!
They include guests that:
· Support;
· Love;
· Respect;
· & Honor their relationship.
If it's only the two of you that support, honor and love each other then I will listen to you, your wedding dreams and I can help you elope.
A REAL wedding at either the Secret Garden Estate or the Secret Redwood Retreat will inherently produce beautiful results because the foundation for your event is a gorgeous property with lots of furnishings, decor, included labor and services thought out for the REAL wedding couple to simplify the planning and pricing. This is a special opportunity for couples that want a REAL WEDDING and can work with each private properties' guest counts, natural limitations and amenities.
I look forward to answering your inquiry if any of these REAL wedding planning tips and collaboration guidelines resonate with you and make you excited to learn more! And perhaps start planning your REAL wedding day. When you are ready with a prospective date, guest count and budget I'll be ready for you.
Sending you all loving energy.
Happy Planning! Tiffani
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